The Mercedes G 580 EV is the Best G-Wagen (But That Doesn't Matter)

The Mercedes-Benz G 580 With EQ Technology is as silly as its name is long.

Look, the Galendewagen was already a rolling conundrum: a ridiculously expensive and capable off-roader that’s used almost exclusively as an on-road status symbol, at least here in North America.

The electrification of the model therefore almost makes a certain amount of sense. And true to G form, it’s hilariously OTT; four motors, one per wheel? Too much is simply the baseline in Galendewagen-land. And in a few key ways, I’d argue this is the best G-Wagen to drive because of the switch.

I’m also convinced a lot of buyers won’t even consider it. Here’s what hits—and what misses—about the latest member of the G-Wagen family.

Four motors is the electrification Holy Grail. Having a motor at each wheel* means true torque vectoring, most famously showcased via the “G-turns” you’ve probably seen everywhere by now. Yes, I did a few of these top-like spins, and unlike some of my colleagues, did it in the proper dirt and/or wet conditions the system calls for. Look, I still have some mechanical sympathy, even for something ostensibly designed for work.

The headline figures are bonkers: 579 horsepower seems almost average these days, but 859 pound-feet of torque? Hell yeah. The G 580 EV is hilariously overpowered for what is essentially a shipping container on wheels. It digs down and catapults forward, easily feeling good for the quoted mid-four-second dash to 62 mph (100 km/h) Mercedes quotes. The electronic nannies will put an end to the horsing around before you’ve even doubled that (112 mph / 180 km/h) and while I’m sure the G could theoretically travel at a much quicker clip, I can think of few vehicles that would feel less suited to the pursuit.

Weighing in somewhere shy of 7,000 pounds, the G drives pretty much how you’d expect: tall and deliberate, but with a better sense of its limits than, say, the Escalade iQ. So much of that weight is low down—an 124.0-kilowatt-hour battery pack will do that—that it’s remarkably agile for a cruise ship. Speaking of capacity, the EQ’s 239-mile (385-kilometer) range is barely more than half a G 550’s, though if you keep the big rig off the highway its efficiency rating dramatically improves.

* - Technically speaking, the motors aren’t all at each wheel: the front motors are inboard but drive their respective sides. Meanwhile the rear uses a De Dion axle design with the motors attached to the ladder frame and feeding the wheels via halfshafts. Like I said, a mix of old- and new-school.

In isolation, the G-Roar feature is an admirable attempt by Mercedes’ engineers to replicate the drama of the gas-guzzling G. A suitably techy blend of V8 rumble with an electric hum, it does add an extra dimension to hustling the G 580 around, rising and lowering with speed. It becomes more awkward outside the vehicle; the soundtrack kicks on when approaching or exiting the G, and it’s far less convincing in these situations. It doesn’t impress any of the friends or family who experience the vehicle; they just wonder if it’s actually off or not.

And what is a G-Wagen if not Very Conspicuous Consumption? The side-exit exhausts on the G 63 are modern-day heralds, making sure to announce the driver’s arrival before their arrival. The EQ Technology is all false modesty.

Nothing, nothing compares to a G-Class cabin. Okay, the broad-strokes architecture is pretty Wrangler—close, upright windshield, a cliff of a dashboard—but more Miu Miu than Moab. There’s brushed metal and blue-tinged carbon fiber weave all over the place, the latter a part of the exclusive Edition One package of this tester. Buttery-soft leather provides yet another contrast, wrapped around the dashboard and the seats with matching blue stitching. The blend of functionality with fashion effectively predicted society’s current obsession with athleisure, but I digress.

The G doesn’t eschew technology, as that’d be silly given the powertrain we’re talking about here, but it doesn’t embrace it, either. If anything, the G 580 condones in-cabin tech. The twin-screen setup atop the dashboard is almost quaint compared to the pillar-to-pillar glass in an EQS, and the Offroad Cockpit physical controls spotlighted right in the center of the cabin should be commended. Above all that, the G keeps the best version of Merc’s door-mounted seat adjustments, because each corresponding piece actually moves.

Some traditions can’t be overlooked either: the rifle-bolt action of the door locks is just as satisfying here as it’s ever been.

Another conundrum. On one hand, the G 580 EV is something of a deal, at least as much as something starting at $164,550 ($211,050 CAD) can be. (Both prices include destination.) It’s fractionally more than the “base” six-cylinder model and massively, massively more affordable than the AMG G 63, which lists from $196,850 ($254,050 CAD). Dealers in America are listing EQ Technologies without much in the way of markup, and there aren’t years-long waiting lists, either.

On the other hand, nobody who is even considering a G-Wagen is concerned about whether or not it’s a deal.

Was I impressed by the—deep breath—Mercedes-Benz G 580 with EQ Technology? Oh absolutely: it’s got a corner spot all picked out in my fantasy lotto-win garage were I ever to actually buy a ticket or two. It is an exceedingly rational evolution of modern Western civilization’s most preferred four-wheeled method of flaunting Scrooge McDuck levels of wealth.

But the G hasn’t been rational since it was commercialized. That this rides better than a gasser and is more around-town quick doesn’t matter one bit. It lacks the boisterous exhaust note and one-up sticker price that very loudly tells people the driver is simply Better. For that and that reason alone I don’t foresee it being a huge success on this side of the pond, even though for all its clever engineering it really should be.

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